First night at a restaurant since starting the 30 day program

Restaurants have always been a problem for me.  It’s rare that when I’m on a plan, I follow it when at a restaurant.  Too many choices and way to easy to make a choice that is not on plan.

Last night, we picked my sister in law and her boyfriend up from the airport right at dinner time and I knew we were going to go out to dinner.  I had been thinking about it all day.  Where would we go so I would have the opportunity to make a choice to stay on plan and can I even make that choice?

We ended up at Flying Saucer Pizza.  I actually suggested it.  If you are reading this, you are probably thinking I’m crazy for picking a pizza place at this time, but I picked it for many reasons:

  1. They have really good gluten free pizza dough and you can get any pizza gluten free.  My sister in law eats gluten free.
  2. They have amazing salads and I knew I could get a salad with grilled chicken on it
  3. It’s a fun, local place in Salem that I knew my visitors would enjoy

After much debate in my head, I ended up getting the Mercury salad without feta cheese or the apples.  It did kill me to leave off the cheese and apples, but that is the program right now.  Fit in perfect.  Mixed greens, grilled chicken, bacon and I got the balsamic vinaigrette dressing.  It sometimes comes with avocado, but they were out.

I have to admit that it was a lot harder than I wanted to be.  Even though it’s my choice, it was hard not to have one garlic knot appetizer or a bit of the pumpkin and chocolate gelato that everyone else got.  It was really hard not to order the really yummy hard cider that my sister in law and her boyfriend got as I have had it before.  I did order myself a sparkling water so I could have something with a little more “oomph” than water.

When I got home, I wanted to EAT.  I wanted to binge.  I wanted to have everything that I was denied.  It was a white knuckle night even with having witnesses in the house (binges usually happen when I’m alone).

We played some wii and some playstation so I just got myself a cup of tea and made it through.

Another thing that I think helped was talking about the program that I am on.  I know a lot of people when they do programs like this like to hide and not tell anyone.  I’m an open book (if you haven’t figured out from reading this).

This weekend we are heading down to my in laws in Newport, RI and I will be bringing a lot of my own food.  I sent an email to both houses (they are divorced) asking what they were planning on serving so I could plan.  I told them that I am currently on a special diet.

When we picked up my sister in law and we were talking about dinner, she brought it up as she was cc’d on the emails (she is so considerate).  So I told her about the plan and how healthy it was and why I was doing it.

I don’t want people to food police me if I make a choice to eat something.  That is not why I told them.  Food policing me does not work.  It’s how my sneak eating started in the first place.

The reason people knowing helps is so I can’t openly sneak eat.   If they don’t know, they can’t ask questions and they can’t food police me either.  I know that sounds like a contradiction, but at the same time it works for me mentally.

If I hadn’t told them, I could have easily gone down there and said, “nobody will know”.  It’s kind of funny how we think that why since the only important person in this is me and I would know.  Sneak eating doesn’t make sense though.

So now I have my meals planned and I’m going to pack them this morning.  Tonight is a bbq so that shouldn’t be too hard and tomorrow is a clam/lobster bake.  Both should allow me to eat some of what everyone else is eating.  Feeling excluded is a big problem for me (which is why I made the Yom Kippur choice) and I continue to work on that as well.

Wish me luck!

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About nancykerins

I am a 38 year full time working mother of one doing my best to get healthy. I had lapband surgery in November of 2010 and then had a revision to the vertical gastric sleeve in February 2012. The purpose of this blog is a therapeutic tool for me to work out my feelings and write about what is going on during this experience. If I can help others through this blog, that is just a bonus.
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