Tonight is going to be a “white knuckle” night

Weight loss and getting healthy (for me at least) has been about finding existing habits and breaking them or forming new ones.

Some go away forever (like my hatred of any vegetable or exercise).

Some just seem to hibernate and then once I give in more than one time, they are back with a vengeance.

One habit that I would like to get rid of permanently is mindlessly snacking in front of the TV or while reading a book.

It’s not like I’m hungry while doing so.  It’s always something crunchy and always something that I eat way than one portion of.

I’ve decided that tonight, that stops.  Even typing this right now, I’m getting this anxiety feeling in my gut.  There is some sort of emotion that wants to come up when I think, “I’m not going to eat after dinner tonight when I’m not hungry”.

I’ll never be one of those “not allowed to eat after 7PM” people.  I do believe that if you are hungry, then EAT!

I’m talking about the mindless, boredom, munching that happens as soon as my son goes to bed, my husband is downstairs working in the office, and I’m alone in my bedroom watching TV or reading my book.

Most nights I don’t even eat dinner until almost 8PM and then I go to bed between 10PM and 11PM.

I have to wonder what makes me so freaked out about having to go 2 to 3 hours without eating anything?   Why do I feel like I want to cry and get emotional right now?  Why is even thinking about this making me all tense in my back and freaking me out?

I have to draw the line in the sand somewhere.   This is a step towards getting rid of my all or nothing attitude.

In the past (and even now), I try to “fix” everything all at once.  Then trying to do too much change at once gets overwhelming and I just give up on everything.

Today and for the rest of the week, I just want to change ONE thing.  I want to plan not to eat between dinner and going to bed.  

Liquids will be ok.  Tonight I’ll probably makes lots of tea.  I’ll probably be the most hydrated that I’ve ever been.


About nancykerins

I am a 38 year full time working mother of one doing my best to get healthy. I had lapband surgery in November of 2010 and then had a revision to the vertical gastric sleeve in February 2012. The purpose of this blog is a therapeutic tool for me to work out my feelings and write about what is going on during this experience. If I can help others through this blog, that is just a bonus.
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