Finally saw my therapist for the first time in weeks

It has been weird to be making so many big decisions without having my therapist invovled.

I had to cancel my last appointment with her so I could get into see my surgeon and then until now, we have had scheduling conflicts.

I've had so much stress about this decision to remove the band and switch to a different surgery.

I ended up crying in the appointment.  I sometimes try not to because I have to go back to work, but this time I couldn't help it.

People keep telling me that I need to be and think positive about this, but it's really hard for me right now.

It's hard not to feel like a "failure".

I told her all about the surgery, the research that I've done, the people I've talked to, etc.

We discussed the fact that I'm even doing this is a positive thing and a brave thing.  How there is never a guaruntee in life that anything is going to work and no way to tell until after the fact if ANY decision is the right decision.

I have to remember that the band was the right decision for me at the time that I had my surgery on 11/1/10.

When I weigh my options of the sleeve vs. the bypass, I'm still more comfortable with the concept of the sleeve.  I just personally like the "malabsorbtion" part of the bypass as I plan to live (hopefully) another 50+ years, I would prefer to continue to digest all of my food.

I am going to discuss it all one more time during my appointment with the surgeon on 12/16.  I'm going to ask him if he feels that there is a specific reason to go bypass vs. sleeve (or vice versa).

A lot of people ask me why I think that surgery will help if I can't make the change already on my own.

The answer, at least to me, is I need something to force the change temporarily.  I know that surgery is not going to automatically permanently change my eating habits, but for a while, I will have no choice.

During that time, I plan to continue working on why food is so important to me and why I feel the need to eat so much of it.  Work on how I can make the choice not to eat all of the time and spend my time doing other things.

If I don't do something to help force the change, then I don't know if things will ever change.

I will continue going to therapy and working on these issues.  I wish I could just decide to stop eating and lose weight that way.  It would be great.

I walked out feeling a little better about things and will continue to work towards getting healthier.

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About nancykerins

I am a 38 year full time working mother of one doing my best to get healthy. I had lapband surgery in November of 2010 and then had a revision to the vertical gastric sleeve in February 2012. The purpose of this blog is a therapeutic tool for me to work out my feelings and write about what is going on during this experience. If I can help others through this blog, that is just a bonus.
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One Response to Finally saw my therapist for the first time in weeks

  1. lappymeal says:

    Good for you for thinking this out. It’s the smart thing to do.
    I;ve always assumed that at some point my band will have to come out – slippage or whatever. I think I’d get a sleeve. Maaaaaaybe a bypass, but my aunt had one and she’s iron deficient now and has to inject herself with it for the rest of her life. No thanks. Sounds horrid.
    You aren’t a failure. It just wasn’t right for you. You’re going to do awesome with the sleeve, I am sure!

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