I not only journaled my food yesterday, but…

I fought the night eating which has been a real problem for me.

During the day, I'm so busy that I only eat at meals.

At night though, once my son goes to bed and my husband is downstairs, I want to eat.  It's been a bad habit I've gotten into.

I did eat too much at dinner to the point that I was BEYOND full, but I journaled all of it and moved on.  My day ended at about 1800 calories and I would guess that is much lower than what has been.

I plan on journaling today again and bringing my lunch so it's easier.

I also plan on going to Zumba tonight.

Yesterday I was feeling really down on myself and feeling really overwhelmed about losing the same weight I've already gained.

I want to be back in the 270's so badly right now.

I'm really scared.  I'm scared that if I convert to the sleeve, that won't work either.  What if nothing ever works and I'm like this forever?

I just want to be able to be "normal".  Is that too much to ask? 😉


About nancykerins

I am a 38 year full time working mother of one doing my best to get healthy. I had lapband surgery in November of 2010 and then had a revision to the vertical gastric sleeve in February 2012. The purpose of this blog is a therapeutic tool for me to work out my feelings and write about what is going on during this experience. If I can help others through this blog, that is just a bonus.
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4 Responses to I not only journaled my food yesterday, but…

  1. alicroc says:

    just a thought…you are concentrating so much on the failure perhaps that you aren’t giving yourself room to succeed?
    positive thinking will take you far. I know it’s hard. I’ve struggled with it too.
    give yourself a break for the successes you have made…and now that it took you a lifetime to put on the weight…it will take time to take it off.
    I’m 3 years into my lap band journey and I’m just now getting the results i wanted. Yes the first two years were a struggle and tough…but I’ve made it out the other side with the right mindset.
    I’m so close to the 100s now it’s in fighting distance. YOu can do it…it just takes a lot of hard work. No quick fixes, no miracles.
    All the best.

    • nancykerins says:

      Thanks for this. You are right, I do need to concentrate on the successes.
      I’m just real down on myself right now.
      I wish I could wait out the band, but this whole concept of esophageal stretching that I’m possibly doing scares the bejezuz out of me.
      It’s not about the speed of the weight coming off at this point, it’s about the weight that is coming back on and my behavior that might be hurting me.
      Thank you for your support.

      • alicroc says:

        I’d be lying if i said i weren’t concerned for you even with the sleeve. YOu’ve said before you’ve eaten around the band. And it’s easier i think to eat around the other surgeries even though the loss results are usually quicker.
        Just make sure you are making the right decision ( i know you are doing a lot of soul searching)
        I just worry for you!
        Please know these comments come from a place of empathy and not criticism.

      • nancykerins says:

        Totally get it and definitely no hard feelings.
        I truly believe that support is about telling someone what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.
        What is nice about my surgeon is he knows about this blog and does read it, so between what he hears in the office and what he sees here, I do trust his opinion on switching to the sleeve.
        It’s scary no matter what. I’m scared of keeping the band and causing a slip or damage to my esophagus or switching to the sleeve and things not working out either.
        No matter what though I’m not giving up.
        I appreciate your comments and support.

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