I am really disappointed in myself…

My weight is back up to 280. 

I’m completely addicted to caffeine again.

I haven’t been tracking and I’ve been eating like shit.

Yesterday,  I just wanted to cry and eat.

I did take action though.  I threw away a lot of "problem" foods, including my son’s leftover birthday cake.

I went food shopping and bought chicken, fish, tofu, veggies, fruit, etc.

My family wanted to come over and see us after being away for a week on vacation.  I let them come over, but I refused to order out.  I grilled chicken and zucchini and we had that for dinner.  I’m having the leftovers for lunch today.

I was considering whether or not I needed a fill since I can definitely still eat large amounts of food, but I think I’m going to wait a while and see if I can get some self control back.  The band is already doing it’s job and I need to do my job now.

I did try to give up caffeine yesterday and ended up with dizziness, nausea and a headache today so I gave in and had some coffee.  I’m going to keep working at it since I’m loving ice coffee and will get rid of a lot of calories just by giving that up.

I’m not going to the gym today, but I have a plan to go Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday at the least.

I’m not giving up and trying not to beat myself up, but I just feel lost right now.


About nancykerins

I am a 38 year full time working mother of one doing my best to get healthy. I had lapband surgery in November of 2010 and then had a revision to the vertical gastric sleeve in February 2012. The purpose of this blog is a therapeutic tool for me to work out my feelings and write about what is going on during this experience. If I can help others through this blog, that is just a bonus.
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3 Responses to I am really disappointed in myself…

  1. lappymeal says:

    Did your surgeon tell you to give up caffeine? Mine said it is fine. Who knows.
    I’ve been eating bad too. It’s so hard. It’s very egainst my nature to throw away “perfectly good food,” but I have been forcing myself.
    Hang in there. You aren’t lost, just detouring.

    • nancykerins says:

      Yeah, my program is no caffeine, alcohol or carbonation for a year after surgery.
      I have had a few drinks, but it’s the caffeine that I’m super addicted to. Even before surgery, I didn’t like to be this addicted to caffeine.

  2. daa_zle says:

    I’m sorry you are felling disappointed in yourself. If it makes you feel any better and I’m sure it won’t, I am in the same boat as you!!! I haven’t lost anything at all.. I’ve been going to WW spending money I don’t have and am up 2 pounds since April!
    I’ve haven’t been tracking, no exercise…. the other day I ate until I felt sick and actually said to myself, oh in about 2 hours I’ll be able to eat again….
    The good news is I have more or less maintained. I am up about 3 pounds from my lowest so far…..
    I am having tooth issues, broke 2 back teeth, so chewing is not easy! But I’m using that as an excuse not to eat healthy. I go on Monday for a consultation for removal.
    Like you, I want it to be easy…. but it;’s not, I thought becasue I went to such extreme measures as surgery that would make a difference..
    I have at least been starting to take walks again, so I have been putting on sneakers…. I went away last weekend and walked the beach with a friend both days for an hour, but haven’t walked since I got back Monday.
    I was never into the buddy system, but maybe that is what I need.
    We can do this….. we will make the changes we need. Its there, we just need to bring it out and believe in ourselves.

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