I had an appointment with my therapist this afternoon and I told her everything that I have been writing about.
One of the things that I said to her was, "what will it take for me to lose weight again?" when I was talking about my frustrations.
From that sentence, she brought up a very good point.
I wasn’t completely owning my part in this. I wasn’t saying, "What do I need to do to lose weight again?".
We talked a lot about how I need to start owning it more. Becoming self aware is great. Recognizing my feelings is great.
Now I need to decide what is more important to me. Is that pint of Ben and Jerry’s more important than losing weight? Will the 5 minutes of satisfaction and then days of beating myself up really be worth the taste?
I need to remember that the choice is mine. The choice has always been mine. I keep doing all of this work to help myself, but not fully committing to that choice.
I also am still focusing on being too perfect in all aspects of my life and when I’m not perfect, I eat. I need to accept that I am not perfect and that I’m human.
The session gave me a lot to think about.