My self control has been non-existant at night and on weekends

Also known as, I’m not even hungry, but I’m eating everything in site.

I have a major eating problem.  I always have and I probably always will. 

If I had the self control that I need at all times, I probably wouldn’t have had to have surgery to help me lose weight.

Last night was a great example.  I went to Aqua Zumba and then right after I was in the drive through of Taco Bell because I convinced myself that there was "nothing to eat in my house" (there is plenty of options).  Of course I bought enough for 2 people at least.  I went home and was able to eat it all without an issue.  After that, I wanted something sweet and ate nutella by the spoonful (the only sweet thing left in my house since I am trying not to buy anything).  Well after that, I wanted something salty.  I didn’t end up eating anything else, but it’s probably because there was nothing in the house that appealed to my salt craving.  I still sat there though, watching America’s Next Top Model and barely paying attention because all I could think about it wanting to eat.

I have to wonder, will there ever be a time that I’m not thinking about food at all times?

I know the key to this for me is to try to keep myself busy, but there is that time of the night that I just want to veg.  After working all day and taking care of my son and household chores, I just want to veg and relax before I go to sleep.

I have been trying to read more since I don’t munch when I read.  I also have been trying to play some computer games that I enjoy (although I did successfully eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s while doing that the other night).

I will always keep trying new things and will never give up on this.  Every night I seem to say F it and every morning I say to myself that I need a plan for the day.  My mind is in a constant battle between eating healthy and not caring.

Today is a new day and I do have my packed lunch and am currently eating a healthy breakfast.  I have with me the awesome fresh pineapple that I cut up the other day that is beyond sweet.

I also see my surgeon today and hopefully will get another fill.  I seem to be able to eat everything under the sun and not feel full.  Hopefully another fill will help me with that.

I had this surgery because I need help and recognize that.  I need something to stop me from overeating.  I know that part of that "thing" to stop me has to be me, but I need more than just me.

Fingers crossed that this fill will help me get back on the weight loss track.

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About nancykerins

I am a 38 year full time working mother of one doing my best to get healthy. I had lapband surgery in November of 2010 and then had a revision to the vertical gastric sleeve in February 2012. The purpose of this blog is a therapeutic tool for me to work out my feelings and write about what is going on during this experience. If I can help others through this blog, that is just a bonus.
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4 Responses to My self control has been non-existant at night and on weekends

  1. alicroc says:

    Is there something else that is bothering you?
    I don’t go to counseling but I also don’t have emotional food issues. But I know many people on these blogs that do emotionally eat and many times its to fill a void elsewhere in life.
    Oh…how i sometimes envy people that can eat and eat. I just ate lunch in the break room. I ate the meat out of a gyro (but not the pita) and i didn’t even eat half of it and had to run to the restroom because as usual…my body hates keeping food in it…no matter HOW much i chew.
    Then one of my coworkers made a turkey sandwich…and i could NEVER dream of eating a turkey sandwich…and i looked at him hatingly thinking…”you bastard and your delicious turkey sandwich” haha 🙂
    Its ok tho. I know my limits. I know i can’t have sandwiches. I don’t miss them THAT much. I don’t miss many of the foods i used to be able to eat.
    I do however, miss being able to eat without puking.

    • nancykerins says:

      I do actually go to therapy on a weekly basis and will see her on Friday.
      With some of my emotional eating issues, I’m more like to eat when I’m happy, apathetic or just feeling lazy than when I’m upset.
      I try to think of those emotions, but I think sometimes I’m just a muncher.
      I grew up in a household where my parents would sit in front of the TV and eat chips or cookies. They are both munchers, but they are also both somehow at healthy weights.
      I also have difficulty with cooking on a Saturday night as my parents always went out for dinner and it was always pizza night or something with the babysitter.
      Those old habits are hard to break.

  2. daa_zle says:

    Wow, it seems like we are having similar issues. I wonder if there is a relationship between being 6 months and eating way too much!
    I have had the hungry horrors lately…. not sure why, could just be emotional….
    I have been so busy, and haven’t been cooking either, so I go to
    pasta with cheese. Quick and leftovers.
    I have had a real issue with Solid Proteins lately, so I have been having comfort foods instead.
    At night, I think I feel, I deserve a frozen yogurt, and while I’m at it, how about some peanut butter for protein, oh, must have light whipped cream and jimmies. Almost every night, regardless if I am hungry or not.
    I hope Dr. B will have some answers for you.
    I also think with me, people are starting to comment on my weight loss (almost 45 pounds) and I don’t like the compliments, it makes me feel scared that I actually might succeed, then what excuse do I have if I do for not doing things?
    I am afraid of success.. I have 2 more papers to write for a certificate, still not done, I have taken the real estate course twice, but won’t take the test…. it’s endless with me.
    I did start tracking again today… I see Dr B. on the 19th.
    I had my follow up at Heart & Wellness, did you??

    • nancykerins says:

      Dr. B didn’t actually want to give me a fill. He had read the blog and well thought that the issue was more of a me issue and not a band issue. Even though I agree to a point, I still feel like I can just eat and eat and eat and eat. What is the point of the band if nothing stops me?
      So he did give me a fill and I’m going to see him again in 4 weeks.
      I had to reschedule my follow up with Heart and Wellness due to work issues and they didn’t have anything for a month so I see them in the next couple of weeks.
      I don’t know what is up about the 6 month mark or maybe it’s the almost to 50lbs lost mark. That is when I started having issues and you are in the same spot as me weight loss wise as well.
      I feel like I have to get back to basics. Look at my food journals from when I was losing and see what I could be doing differently.

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