Also known as, I’m not even hungry, but I’m eating everything in site.
I have a major eating problem. I always have and I probably always will.
If I had the self control that I need at all times, I probably wouldn’t have had to have surgery to help me lose weight.
Last night was a great example. I went to Aqua Zumba and then right after I was in the drive through of Taco Bell because I convinced myself that there was "nothing to eat in my house" (there is plenty of options). Of course I bought enough for 2 people at least. I went home and was able to eat it all without an issue. After that, I wanted something sweet and ate nutella by the spoonful (the only sweet thing left in my house since I am trying not to buy anything). Well after that, I wanted something salty. I didn’t end up eating anything else, but it’s probably because there was nothing in the house that appealed to my salt craving. I still sat there though, watching America’s Next Top Model and barely paying attention because all I could think about it wanting to eat.
I have to wonder, will there ever be a time that I’m not thinking about food at all times?
I know the key to this for me is to try to keep myself busy, but there is that time of the night that I just want to veg. After working all day and taking care of my son and household chores, I just want to veg and relax before I go to sleep.
I have been trying to read more since I don’t munch when I read. I also have been trying to play some computer games that I enjoy (although I did successfully eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s while doing that the other night).
I will always keep trying new things and will never give up on this. Every night I seem to say F it and every morning I say to myself that I need a plan for the day. My mind is in a constant battle between eating healthy and not caring.
Today is a new day and I do have my packed lunch and am currently eating a healthy breakfast. I have with me the awesome fresh pineapple that I cut up the other day that is beyond sweet.
I also see my surgeon today and hopefully will get another fill. I seem to be able to eat everything under the sun and not feel full. Hopefully another fill will help me with that.
I had this surgery because I need help and recognize that. I need something to stop me from overeating. I know that part of that "thing" to stop me has to be me, but I need more than just me.
Fingers crossed that this fill will help me get back on the weight loss track.