Sometimes this whole thing doesn’t even seem real

When I really think about it, this whole experience doesn’t seem "real" yet.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t made it to my first fill and so I’m not as restricted as I will be.  Maybe it’s because it feels easy right now (as many weight loss plans do in the beginning).

It’s just surreal to me.  I know I had surgery.  I have the incisions healing to prove it and I can certainly feel where my port is under my skin.

I’ve been really lucky.  I went home the same day, I didn’t take pain medications, I got cleared to exercise and then did exercise last Thursday…

I wonder if it will feel more real once I start the 12 week post op classes.  I think my first one is going to be November 30th.  I meet with the nurse and nutritionist at Heart and Wellness a week from today, so I’ll find out more then.

In some ways, I think I am waiting for this journey to feel hard as I’m sure it will eventually.

Right now I have a ton of Halloween candy sitting in my house, a lot of it in the freezer (always loved frozen snickers) and I have no urge to touch any of it.

Not that I haven’t had some hard moments.  Last night, my son took one bite of his mac and cheese and wouldn’t eat the rest.  I had to immediately throw it in the trash so I wouldn’t eat it.  In the past though, I totally would have eaten in and then a large dinner.  I would have never thought to throw it out.  It’s a waste to do so, right?

I went out with my friend on Saturday night.  We went to Legal Seafood because it has stuff on the menu that actually fits into my current food restrictions.  In the past when I’ve been trying to eat healthy, the second I was in a restaurant, that would have gone out the window.  Instead I ordered some grilled scallops with butternut squash and enjoyed every bite.  I even had a lot of it to take home to enjoy later.

When we went to the movies, I was fine with getting my bottle of water instead of my normal medium popcorn extra butter with a medium coke.  Even when she sat next to me eating m&m’s, I was ok.  I didn’t need to have any.

When I have moments like this, I need to pinch myself and see if I’m dreaming, because I’ve never been this "zen" about food in the past.

I also need to try not to overanalyze it and just enjoy it, right?

I am looking forward to tonight.  My husband is away and my mother is picking up my son from daycare and taking him to her house for dinner.  That gives me a little me time before I go to my favorite exercise class of the week, Aqua Zumba!  I just have so much fun in that class.  By the time I get home, my parents and son will be waiting for me at the house so I can see him before he goes to bed.

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About nancykerins

I am a 38 year full time working mother of one doing my best to get healthy. I had lapband surgery in November of 2010 and then had a revision to the vertical gastric sleeve in February 2012. The purpose of this blog is a therapeutic tool for me to work out my feelings and write about what is going on during this experience. If I can help others through this blog, that is just a bonus.
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One Response to Sometimes this whole thing doesn’t even seem real

  1. landorki says:

    My father has gained weight! He does not like wasting food… NOT AT ALL! and with me not eating anywhere as much, he feels the need to eat it before it goes bad because he does not want to throw it away! lol….

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