The sleep lab just called with cancellation for tonight. So instead of having to wait until September 15th, I’m doing it tonight.
Of course my husband is away which makes it more difficult, but my parents were going to babysit anyway so I could go to my 2nd support group meeting (which is also a requirement).
Then tomorrow morning, I have my stress test at 9:20.
So, as of tomorrow morning, I will have all of my required appointments done.
The thought of this gives me relief and fear.
Relief because I made it through the preop and now all that is left is the surgery.
Fear because the surgery still scares the living daylights out of me. It’s always the same thing. After surgery, what will I eat?
That is what the post op program is for right?
I also have some fears of getting healthy and losing the weight. I’m afraid to become too hopeful. This weight has been a part of me for so long. It’s part of my indentity. Will I still be me without the weight? Do I dare hope that this will be the thing that finally works after so many years of nothing working? Do I dare dream of being able to buy clothes off the rack and regular width shoes? Will I ever feel "normal"?
I hope after going through all of this, that this is the tool that finally helps me get there.